


This Secret I Share Now

by Xin0Lan



Category: Chinese Mythology, 琅琊榜 | Nirvana in Fire (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Original Character Death(s), Post-Canon, Post-Series, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-12-30 15:57:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12112167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xin0Lan/pseuds/Xin0Lan
Summary: Soon Princess Nihuang would find the right time to share  what she came to tell. A secret that never saw the light of day after Lin Shu confessed his whole twelve year life span as Mei Changsu to herself and Meng Zhi. She knew the content of those guarded events would crumble the emperor's spirits. The timing had to be perfect. Absolutely perfect. She was biding her time patiently. He deserved to know the truth. The whole truth. Down to every last detail. He deserved no less.MULTI-CHAPTER IN PROGRESS





	1. Secrets I Dare Not Share

**This Secret to Share**

* * *

 

As she approached the familiar brick roan coloured walls of Great Liang, the princess, Nihuang, from the land of Mu couldn't help but feel sharp stabs of sorrow in her lungs for all the memories held within those four towering walls. She found the biting cold winter winds made it hard to breathe, but she suspected the cold wasn't the true reason. Memories that would have given her a lifetime of happiness, memories that should have been anything but the outcome she tried so hard not to remember overwhelmed her thoughts.

Princess Nihuang, elegantly dressed in her fine silk blue robe and light chainmail, discreetly wiped away an escaped tear which broke her usual stoic commanding aura.

_That one infamous battle against a very old enemy of Great Liang took away her one happiness was nearly five years in passing. However, it only felt like yesterday when she left west of the fortified gates with her skilled Mu army, whilst her one happiness took his loyal legion to the east._

_Had Nihunag known it would be the very last time Linshu Gege's voice would grace her ears again, she would have pleaded, begged, grovelled- done anything and everything to keep him from leaving her...to leave her again after twelve years. To really die this time._

_Seeing him dressed in military garb with the signature red patterns made her smile wistfully at the past- at time once long long ago when she and her beloved ge-ge were but adolescent teenagers practising their wu-gong in the spring time breeze near the riverside with their best friend Waterbuffalo laughing at the pair whilst holding his water container. It was a most joyful time- a era from another lifetime it would seem._

* * *

 

Sighing deeply and steadying her breathing, the princess righted herself on her trusted black stead and paraded through the city masked with a calm, but emotionless expression. Determined to stay in the present time and not allow the past to rock her core, Nihuang stared straight ahead- heading for her first destination.

Giving the customary greetings and bowing respectfully before Master Nie Feng and Madame Xia Dong, Nihuang smiled warmly at her best friend and her husband.

"Dong Jie, Nie Feng Da-ge", Nihuang began as she spun around the room admiring the grand entrance room, "This is so elegant. Thank you for letting me stay with you. Here, please accept these humble gifts for your generous friendship and hospitality."

Her loyal soldiers scurried forward and laid intricately carved bamboo boxes at the couples feet. Inside were delicacies only found in the Mu kingdom, most notably the famous wine. The perfect combination of making wine paired with the ideal climate of Mu kingdom gave the wine a special taste that lingered in the mouth. A tasted much coveted by people near and far.

"Nihuang Mei, these gifts are exquisite. We shall all eat well tonight thanks to you." Dong Jie replied graciously. Nie Feng bowed in gratitude signifying he agreed with his wife's words, for the elder master was unable to speak much at all. Only and few mumbles and guttural sounds was all the man could muster after a terrible poison nearly took his life away. Tragically, it was the same poison which buried itself deep within her one happiness' bones, stealing away his vibrant life and replaced it with a weak and sickly shell of a human being.

Servants of the master quickly took the gifts to the storehouse and kitchen. They would begin preparing the finest dining for the honoured guest.

With all formalities concluded, Nihuang was escorted to a private residence located only a short walk from her dear friends' beautiful residence gifted to the couple by the golden-hearted emperor.

"Please stay as long as you'd like. Consider it your home here in Great Liang."

"Thank you Jiejie. I shall."

"The emperor graciously gave us this additional residence to use how we see fit as reward for defeating our enemies in the water battles." Dong Jie explained as Nihuang walked throughout the centre courtyard admiring the fish pond and vegetation growing in the waters. The massive school of fish eagerly poked their mouths out of the water, hoping for morsels of food when they saw the two ladies peer into the waters.

"It is more than enough. I shall be quite happy here to stay with you Dong Jie. Now, come tell me all that has happened; much as changed I can tell."

Together the two ladies strode off chattering away about everything under the sun. Being apart from each other left many questions still in the open.

* * *

 

Princess Nihuang of Mu bowed deeply before the black and gold-robed emperor. After greeting him cordially with the customary sayings and well wishes, she took a seat to the left of him.

Xiao Jingyan, Emperor of Great Liang, sat regally upon a magnificently carved wooden throne trimmed in gold patterns and the finest silk embroidering.

Quietly studying the familiar face for a moment, Nihuang could see the coveted golden seat of power had taken its toll in him. It was clearly evident.

The glorified prisoner's chair was malicious, it was vile, wicked, and the harbinger of all that is evil in the world. A single person with such a great amount of power vested in oneself to command thousands upon thousands of subjects made for dangerous circumstances should the one seated upon it have such hatred and distrust of others in the heart.

It spared no one, all who sat upon the lush silk cushion would feel the strain and pressure of having to judge and rule righteously. It was not to say the golden prison made the chosen one evil and unjust in ruling, but merely the sheer weight of the world on ones shoulders was not kind on the body or mind.

The princess placed her absolute confidence in Emperor Xiao Jingyan, he was nothing like his father. Not one ounce the same save for the fact they shared the same bloodline, but that was it. Jingyan's golen heart never dimmed, even in the face of remaining silent for twelve years mourning the death of his cousin and his family, the countless family members of royal blood, especially his older brother Prince Qi.

Though the Emperor was in the prime of life and in fairly good health, nothing escaped the princess' observant eyes: small crow's feet started to form slightly around those kind smiling black orbs, a streak or two of grey glistened brightly against an ebony-black head underneath the imperial crown.

Permanent lines were etched across his brow from spending too much time deeply contemplating the best solutions to internal and external affairs. Nearly five years as sovereign of Great Liang already aged Jingyan so much, Nihuang hoped his next several decades of ruling would be kind to him. Peace and prosperity for Great Liang and it's surrounding neighbours was her constant hope. A war was the last thing any of the kingdoms needed.

Soon she would find the right time to share the what she came to tell. A secret that never saw the light of day after Lin Shu confessed his whole twelve year life span as Mei Changsu to herself and Imperial General Meng in the small room whilst Lin Chen discussed treatment of the Bitter Flame Poison. She knew the content of those guarded events would crumble the emperor's spirit into an array of emotions that she herself wasn't entire sure what it could consist of. Most definitely hatred for being lied to turned to wallowing guilt for letting his best friend die.

_The timing had to be perfect. Absolutely perfect. She was biding her time patiently._

* * *

 

**A-N: This is a multi-chapter work. If interested please click Bookmark. The next chapter will be posted ASAP. Thank you for reading.**

**Mei- younger sister**

**Ge- older brother**

**Jie- older sister**

**Di- younger brother**

**Xin.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on Wordpress blog at " Future Lang Ya Bang "


	2. Patience and Heartache

**Chapter 2**

* * *

S _oon Princess Nihuang would find the right time to share the what she came to tell. A secret that never saw the light of day after Lin Shu confessed his whole twelve year life span as Mei Changsu to herself and Imperial General Meng in the small room whilst Lin Chen discussed treatment of the Bitter Flame Poison to General Nie Feng._

_She knew the content of those guarded events would crumble the emperor’s spirit into an array of emotions that she herself wasn’t entire sure what it could consist of. Most definitely it would manifest as hatred for being lied to time and time again, then turn to wallowing guilt for letting his best friend die._

_The timing had to be perfect. Absolutely perfect. She was biding her time patiently._

* * *

Emperor Jingyan, delighted to have his closest friend visit him, ordered the special treats his mother made and tea to be served immediately. With all prying eyes and whispering voices scurrying off to obey the imperial command, his façade dropped instantly.

  
“Nihuang Meimei, Thank you for coming. I hope your travel was uneventful and pleasant.” Jingyan asked in his calm, kind, and non-commanding emperor sounding voice.  
The princess bowed her head slightly in agreement, “Yes Your Majesty, the journey was pleasant. May I please enquire how you are faring?”

  
“Mei-mei,” Jingyan repeated in the same soft tone, “There is no one here but us. Do not stand on formality with me. Let it be as we always were and shall always be- the best of friends.”  
The princess once again bowed in acknowledgement, the emperor continued. “I am doing well, the kingdom has been good to me. My people are not hungry; they are not poor, and are thriving well in trade and commerce. My magistrates meet regularly and provide detailed reports of everything under Great Liang’s domain every week to me. We truly have been prosperous these past five years.”

  
Once again the princess bowed her waist slightly to congratulate the emperor on his successful rulership.

  
Silently the court servants entered setting down the best tea brewed and delectable treats, the emperor also ordered a fresh brazier to heat up the room. One was immediately brought in with hot amber coloured coals providing a much welcomed shelter from the harsh winter winds.

  
A hush fell in the grand room, only the crackling coals echoed deafeningly in there.

  
Little did each other know they shared the same thoughts: the brazier sparked memories of their beloved fallen comrade and best friend who had truly fallen this time.

* * *

_Nihuang knew for certainty since she personally went to see the body amidst the battle grounds._

_It really was him. Lin Shu._

_Her betrothed from a lifetime ago was lying peacefully on a white linen stretcher inside Imperial General Meng’s tent dressed in his unmistakable freshly polished armour. All traces of his final struggle had been erased. His undecorated hair had been pulled into a topknot held together by a single silk black ribbon, whilst the red and gold helmet laid cradled under his left arm._

_“At least he now is at rest,” she thought silently, “No longer tormented by the bitter sting of the Poison Flame that robbed him of physical strength and energy. Rest well Lin Shu Gege.” She bade him a farewell kiss and a whisper of his favourite line from his favourite poet._

_“Imperial Meng,” she addressed, “I leave you to care for everything. Thank you for everything.”_

_The elder man kowtowed at the princess’s feet. “Yes your Highness. Your servant obeys. I consider it my honour to serve the royal family.”_

_“With you to oversee everything, I do not feel as unease as I would be if you hadn’t been here. I cannot send him home to Great Liang, though I desperately wish I could accompany everyone back. I will attend the funeral, send me a message with the details.”_

_“Of couse Your Highness, I will make sure everything is the best it could possibly be for him. Your servant watched him grow up for nineteen years, served under his father for many years too. He’s like a son to me.”_

_Only until Nihuang left the tent did he rise from the ground and kneel next to his adoptive son. “_  
_“Xiao Shu, what you came to finish has been completed in its entirety. Sleep peacefully now, the poison is no longer in you.” No one heard Meng Zhi’s words save for the bitter silence that prevailed in the tent._

_After giving kowtow three times in respect at Young Marshal Lin Shu, the Imperial General left his tent._

* * *

Lin Shu (or known to everyone else in Great Liang as Mei Chang Shu) was rarely seen without a burning hot brazier at his side desperately trying to warm his forever-cold shivering weak body from the harsh elements despite his fur cloak and multilayered robes.

  
Lost in thought and watching the embers spark fly off the coals, neither one spoke for quite some time. Each was reminiscing on the lifetime the threesome share once upon a time when the sky was blue and the clouds were white.

  
Finally Nihuang looked up at her good friend with sad knowing eyes, their gaze locked. It must have been telepathy as to how an entire conservation transpired over a few small facial movements and expressive eyes.

  
“I miss him terribly much Jingyan xiong,” the princess admitted softly after a long while, but never once broke eye contact.

  
“I as well. To think of all he’s suffered when the Chiyan army was ambushed by our very own people makes my stomach churn with hated and pain for him. Twelve years spent building himself into the Divine Talent and ultimately helping me achieve my one goal: bring justice for the seventy thousand wronged as well as their families and my older prince brother. I wish I had known it was his end view also. I wish I had known it was he who had returned from the dead instead of this strategist named Mei Chang Shu. I wish I could have spent more time with him as my cousin than just the court strategist. What time I wasted, not knowing it was really him back to the land of living.”

  
He scoffed scornfully and clenched his fists so tightly a small warm trickle seeped into those magnificent sleeves.

  
“As if the life he lived for the past twelve years was really called living at all; always frail and ice-cold. Even the faintest hint of a breeze appeared to sent the poor man into a coughing spell. What a ignorant fool I was! Had I not been so focused on gaining the throne after the demise of my other prince brothers, I might have actually seen through his façade!”

  
Nihuang bit her lip, she knew this was definitely not the right moment to share the secrets she came to tell. Patience and timing would tell exactly when would be the opportune moment. Taking a drink of tea allowed her an excuse to still her emotions that were rising dangerously quickly. Knowing the emperor still didn’t know what truly happened ever since he left for Dong Hai (East Sea) when he was just an adolecent. It was the very last time the two brothers spent together.

  
“What kind of condition could turn a nineteen year old military commander into a shell of a living being?” Jingyan all but shouted angrily at the air, “He hung on the brink of death every single day! It was a miracle Lin Shu could even make it out of the bed, much less walk.”

  
Excellent in battle and unparalleled skills with words, still Nihuang couldn’t think of a single thought to bring some comfort to that painful memory. Every word of Jinyan’s stabbed her tender heart, it was all true. The truth hurt, no one knew better than herself.

At last the emperor broke into a quiet sob. Those silk-covered shoulders shuddered inconsolably.

  
“Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him,” Jingyan mumbles just barely loud enough for his close friend to hear. “I should never have allowed him to lead an army, much less engage in combat, or even think of travelling in the unforgiving weather conditions in the northern part of the land at that time of the year. A man that sickly shouldn’t be allowed out of the bed. What a fool I was to listen to him! What a fool I was to listen to that doctor of his!”

  
Nihuang began to reply hesitantly, unsure of what was wise to say.

  
“Jingyan xiong, please don’t reminisce on those thoughts. They will not do any good for your health or mind. It is a great sorrow to us both, I miss him deeply as well. Had our lives taken another turn, we would have been happily married. Your elder Qi-wang would have ruled in your stead. Life would have been such bliss, 十全十美。Hélas, life rarely ever pleases us.” A solemn sigh finished her dismal line of thought.

  
“If it would bring back Lin Shu, I would sacrifice my health for it. Look here!” He beat the throne’s armrest with a blood stained hand, “He sacrificed his health to help me achieve this golden seat. How could I ever forget such an occasion like that? No, I never forgot. Your engagement party was the talk of the kingdom for weeks on end. Couldn’t even walk the streets without the people commenting on the celebrations or prosperity it would bring. I don’t know what to say Nihuang. I’m not sure how to comfort you. I know you’re just as grieved as I am about him.”

  
Jingyan averted his gaze to the floor and started rubbing the seam of his sleeve mindlessly. Another flood of tears were coming to overwhelm him when a warm hand covered his fidgeting one.

  
He looked up.  
He saw a smile.  
A genuine smile of happiness.

  
“Please. I am fine. Do not trouble yourself about me. I am truly fine.” She paused, “I will be fine.” She gently pried his hand off the fabric and grasped it firmly.  
“You have taken on one of his little quirks, haven’t you?” a smile in her voice made him smile too.

  
He nodded in agreement. It was the only response he could muster up at that point.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**  
**Notes:**  
**十全十美 : shi quan shi mei. Literally meaning “ten wholeness” and “ten beauty” = Means completely wonderful.**  
**Xiong- honorific form for elder brother, also a term of endearment for addressing a male older than oneself.**  
**Ge-ge: Older brother**  
**Mei-mei: younger sister**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also on Wordpress blog at " Future Lang Ya Bang "


End file.
